Hillens.com

So anyway, Nigel's 28-year old facial foliage had made the transition from a sleek dark brown, to salt and pepper, to Santa Claus white.

Deciding that the Father Christmas look did not reflect the hunky young stud muffin inhabiting the otherwise empty space between his ears, Nigel plucked up his courage (and his razor), and exposed his naked, quivering chin to the cold light of day.

However, upon arriving at Simon's pad in London, he discovered that the ex-beard had arrived before him, mysteriously attaching itself to Simon's chin in the process. Read on ....

First a quick flash back to 1997, before the beard had migrated from Nigel's swarthy chin to Simon's squeaky clean model.

A scant five years later it is all change - Nigel's naked chin and Simon's newly cultivated bum fluff.

Meanwhile, in Swindon, Janet loses it big time when Mr Clean-shaven and Mr Beardy step out of the cars!

Simon, Janet and Nigel give the tourist salute

Nigel puckers up to give our Si a big girly kiss on the cheek, but chickens out at the last minute - terrified at the prospect of razor rash!

Part of 'The Growth' vanishes - and with what is left, Nigel and Simon launch into a worryingly convincing rendition of Village People's immortal ballad:

Young man - there's no need to feel down
I said - young man, pick yourself off the ground
I said - young man, 'cause your in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy

Young man - there's a place you can go
I said - young man, when you're short on your dough
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.

It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
They have everything for young men to enjoy.
You can hang out with all the boys.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
You can get yourself clean
You can have a good meal
You can do whatever you feel.